I didn’t realize what I would go through emotionally. You know, it was just four years spending thousands and thousands of dollars. Countless shots. Bruised bodies, tired spear, a partridge in a pear tree. It was crazy. And after four years of doing that, I decided, okay. Having a handful of miscarriages and still trying to get on stage and find my happy is too hard for me. And I have to make this simple for myself. I have to find my joy. And so the only option I had left was surrogacy.
And I’m not a control freak. But wow, you have never felt so out of control. But I also had a glimmer of hope like this could actually happen. And when I start to feel good about myself, I booked a movie with my friend Allie Wong, Always Be My Maybe, available on Netflix.
And so I booked a part and then she’s like, “Awesome, you’re also going to play my best friend, who is eight months pregnant and a lesbian.” And I’m like what? So it’s a beautiful representation, right? It’s so dope.
Oh, but also playing a pregnant person and putting on a belly every day was such a mind fuck. Can I say that? Mind fuck! People would ask me, “Oh, do you want to have kids? You look so good pregnant.” And I would just look in the elevator pitch version like, what, are you paying for them? Like trying to get through the day. But it was so crazy because the week that I was giving birth in the movie was the week that my surrogate was getting transferred with our embryos. And I’m like, wow, life is just serving me all the jokes and I have to figure out how to deal with them. I was really sad that I couldn’t carry, but I was so happy that somebody else could.
And I wanted to find the good in all of it, because that’s what you do sometimes. And so when my surrogate was pregnant and going into labor, my husband, my mother and I went to the bar next door and had a bottle of Malbec.
Now, Oprah said you can have it all, but not the same time. I’m like, “Yes, you can, Oprah, because I did that shit.” And this year, my husband and I, we welcomed twins, Hazel and Otis!
I just want to let you guys know that whatever you want in life, I want it for you. It might not be the way you planned or you want, but never give up because you can get your shit together and get what you want in life.
Find out more about Glamour‘s 2019 Women of the Year here.