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Borderline Personality Disorder: The Power of the Proper Diagnosis

As an angsty, unstable, totally depressed 19-year-old, few things caught my attention, but one day, walking into my kitchen, I was grabbed by the title of a book my mom had left out on the counter: Get Me Out Of Here: My Recovery from Borderline Personality Disorder, a memoir by Rachel Reiland. Cautiously, I picked it up. I did want to get out of here. Get out of my mind, get out of my life, get out of the skin I felt increasingly desperate to claw my way out of.

Reading the first few pages, I felt seen. Reiland nailed the uncontrollable sadness, the crying, the knowledge that these reactions weren’t proportionate responses to whatever situation was at hand. Every emotional response felt too big for its surroundings, she described, but grasping how to turn down the volume was always a bit out of reach.

I immediately Googled this mysterious mental illness and the picture that emerged of someone with borderline personality disorder, sounded like exactly like me: fear of abandonment, unstable relationships, suicidal tendencies, chronic emptiness, emotional regulation issues, significant depression, explosive anger, self-harm…The list went on.

At first, I felt relieved. I had almost every symptom—after years of misdiagnoses, I finally had an answer. But then the fear set in. I didn’t want BPD or the rigid stigma associated with it. That would mean I was really crazy.

So, I stayed silent. It would be another five years before I brought up the suspicion that I had borderline personality disorder to my therapists.

A Misdiagnosis

According to the doctors that my parents desperately took me to see throughout my adolescence, I didn’t fall neatly into any category. Despite that, I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. It wasn’t a perfect fit—I had the mood swings by not the mania characteristic of the condition—but it was clear I needed mental health treatment and a bipolar diagnosis was an adequate way to get it.

A diagnosis is not an indictment, it is a path to treatment. It is a way to separate yourself from your disorder, a way to say, Oh, that’s why I behave in this way. It’s a means of getting the help you need. Of course, when a diagnosis is incorrectly applied, treatment is pretty ineffective. It’s not uncommon for people with BPD to be misdiagnosed with bipolar disorder since there are many symptoms that overlap. It’s like wearing a pair of shoes two sizes too small—they don’t quite work, but hey, at least you have shoes.

I was put on medication to help level out my mood swings. But despite the drugs and the therapists, the emotional dysregulation raged on. I was miserable, continually suicidal, and constantly felt like there was something wrong with me. I felt as though my life—and my mind—weren’t mine. Everything felt completely and utterly out of control.

Living With BPD

At 24, I was sitting in my therapist’s office, shaky, exhausted, and at the end of my rope. I was having trouble in my familial relationships, in my friendships, at work. I could barely get out of bed. I was drinking a lot, exhibiting disordered eating patterns, and self-harming. I was not even close to taking care of myself but these coping mechanisms were the only way I knew how to survive. They were the only tools I had.

It wasn’t working. Ever since I’d found the book my mom had left out on the kitchen counter, BPD had been lurking in the back of my mind, hopeful and terrifying at the same time. Finally, I brought it up to my therapist. In time, she agreed that this was indeed what she believed I was dealing with. When the words came out of her mouth, I no longer felt resistance or fear. I just feel understood. With a diagnosis, I realized, there I was a path to healing.

Machine Gun Kelly And Yungblud Pay Homage To Mass Shooting Victims In Corden Performance

At the beginning of the universe, the Big Bang synthesized the building blocks of life from clouds of space dust that formed after a hyperdense singularity rapidly expanded and still does, to this day. Last night, a new universe was created with an explosive performance of “I Think I’m Okay” by Machine Gun Kelly and Yungblud on The Late Late Show with James Corden. Their energetic performance was wrapped up with a tribute to the recent mass shooting victims of El Paso, TX and Dayton, OH.

The stage of Corden might as well have been a forest because the feral energy of shirtless Machine Gun Kelly and the wolven Yungblud was unshackled, to say the least. Their performance of their hit collaboration was a blend of guitars that the two played along with the vicious energy of the supporting band. Machine Gun Kelly kicked over his microphone and the pair shared one, screaming into it with such intensity that if there were glass walls surrounding the stage, they would have shattered. As it ended, they flipped their guitars around to show “El Paso” on the back of Yungblud’s guitar and “Dayton” on the back of Machine Gun Kelly’s.

Machine Gun Kelly released his latest album Hotel Diablo last month. He will be heading out on tour in support of it in September with Young Thug, Killy, Polo G, and YBN Nahmir.

Watch Machine Gun Kelly and Yungblud’s explosive performance of “I Think I’m Okay” up above.

Once Upon A Time In Hollywood’s Bruce Lee Scene Could Have Been Longer

One of the most memorable, and also most controversial, scenes in Quentin Tarantino’s latest film Once Upon A Time In Hollywood has to be the scene where Brad Pitt’s Cliff Booth is depicted as entering into a fight with Mike Moh’s Bruce Lee. It’s a fight that, ultimately, has no real winner and one hell of a punchline, with the conflict ending in a draw, and a firing.

But as fate would have it, we not only almost had a clear cut winner in Once Upon A Time In Hollywood’s big fight sequence, but that third round was allegedly going to be a show-stopper. The idea was for a third and final round that really went for it, with Cliff winning over Bruce in the end result.

As mentioned by the film’s stunt coordinator Robert Alonzo, that last round was going to end with Booth as the victor, all thanks to a supposedly cheap shot he would have taken against the martial arts legend. By the sound of that description, it’s probably a good thing that one of the only sustained action beats in Once Upon A Time In Hollywood was cut short. Not only does an extended action sequence before the film’s conclusion undermine the sort of film Quentin Tarantino is going for, but according to further comments from Alonzo to The Huffington Post, the possibility of Bruce Lee losing a match to someone like Cliff just didn’t sit well with anyone:

Between debating whether the scene happened or not, as well as how accurate and/or respectful the depiction of Lee really is, it’s a flashpoint of discussion for a film that’s gotten people talking quite a bit. Taking a look at how that scene could have ended though, it’s probably a good thing that Robert Alonzo and Quentin Tarantino could workshop that new ending into the scene.

The way that Cliff Booth and Bruce Lee’s fight ends in Once Upon A Time In Hollywood still gets the point it wants to convey across. Cliff is a formidable fighter who may or may not have won against Bruce, and his skills come in handy when the time comes. With no definitive answer, there’s more room for the moment to entertain rather than annoy the audience, though there’s still a window for the latter scenario, as we’ve seen in recent weeks.

As it stands, the fight scene sounds like it was choreographed and filmed in such a way that this third round never got past the script level. So if you’re thinking that rumored Netflix miniseries cut for Once Upon A Time In Hollywood will include the Tarantino Cut of this moment, you might not want to get your hopes up too high.

But what you can do is go out and enjoy Once Upon A Time In Hollywood in theaters now, for the first or fifth time on the big screen. Also, if you’re lucky enough, you might be able to catch it in limited 35mm and 70mm engagements, so check your local listings extra carefully.

Toni Morrison, Beloved Author And Subject Of New Documentary, Is Dead At 88

As far as American novelists go, there are certain names that stand out among the rest. Mark Twain helped shape fiction, while Phillip Roth has both great work and some controversies. But chief among modern american writers is Toni Morrison. Beginning with her introspective work The Bluest Eye, Morrison won the Pulitzer Prize for her stunning novel Beloved, and even took home a Nobel Prize during her life. Unfortunately, that life has recently ended as Toni Morrison has died at the age of 88.

Toni Morrison died August 5th in New York City at 88 years old. She passed at the Montefiore Medical Center, and the official reason for her death is complications from pneumonia. The announcement was given via her publisher, and is sure to affect the generations of fans who Morrison touched.

The news about Toni Morrison’s death comes to us from the New York Times, which features a lengthy list of the writer’s accomplishments throughout her long life. Morrison is known for being able to show the black experience in America, highlighting the various struggles that faced the community throughout the country’s history. It’s these emotional and important stories that have earned her so much acclaim throughout the years, as well as her work as an activist.

Avengers: Endgame Producer Wants Oscar Attention For The Blockbuster

Avengers: Endgame hit theaters back in April, and was a massively successful venture for the studio. The Russo Brothers’ blockbuster exceeded all expectations, with a story that packed plenty of action, while also being an emotional character-driven story. The Original Avengers got particular time to shine, especially Robert Downey Jr.’s Iron Man. His performance was so powerful that fans are wondering if he’s got a chance at the Oscars this year.

The Russo Brothers have been vocal about their love for RDJs Endgame performance, recently claiming it might be worthy of Academy Award attention. Marvel producer Trinh Tran recently spoke to this possibility, saying:

Robert Downey Jr. was breaking new ground when he debuted as Tony Stark in 2008’s Iron Man, as cinematic universes and shared storytelling had never been utilized at theaters. He’s played the role through a whopping ten blockbusters, with Avengers: Endgame serving as his final bow. And it was one hell of a last appearance.

Trinh Tran’s comments to Comic Book pay special tribute to just how much Robert Downey Jr. has done as Tony Stark throughout the last decade and change of filmmaking. RDJ truly IS Iron Man, and Avengers: Endgame was a particularly nuanced and emotional performance, as we followed the character through a massive arc and five years.

Fans were reduced to puddles watching Tony Stark as a father, especially when he died in order to snap Thanos and his forces out of existence. Iron Man made the ultimate sacrifice to bring order back to the galaxy, proving what a hero he truly was. And Robert Downey Jr.’s performance through it all was captivating and powerful.

The conversation about Robert Downy Jr. Oscar odds at the Oscars was kickstarted by The Russo Brothers themselves. While filming a video promoting Endgame, Joe Russo was quoted saying:

It seems that not only is Robert Downey Jr.’s performance in Avengers: Endgame being considered, but his entire long tenure at Marvel Studios. He helped change the way comic book movies are made, serving as the inspiration for countless actors to don a superhero mantle, and for varied studios to create their own cinematic universe.

It might be an uphill battle for RDJ to get a nom for Avengers: Endgame, as the Motion Picture Academy hasn’t always been generous when it comes to comic book movies. But there has been a change in recent years, as movies like Black Panther and Logan were given nods in major categories. We’ll just have to see if the voters are as impressed with the actor’s performance as Iron Man to give him the nomination his co-workers feel he deserves.

Avengers: Endgame is available digitally now, and will arrive on DVD and Blu-ray on August 13th. In the meantime, check out our 2019 release list to plan your next trip to the movies.

Everything We Know About Netflix’s The Baby-Sitters Club Series

Long before they were trying to decide who was a Carrie, Miranda, Charlotte, or Samantha in a friend group, many women of a certain age labeled themselves as Kristys, Dawns, Mary Annes, Staceys, or Claudias—all thanks to the massively popular The Baby-Sitters Club books by Ann M. Martin, the first of which was published in 1986. The books follow the lives of a group of young friends who start a baby-sitting service and all the ups and downs of their lives and business.

So today is a very happy day for fans of the novels as Netflix has just announced that it is turning them into a series starring Alicia Silverstone. With over 200 books currently in publication, the streaming platform will certainly not lack for source material for storylines.

No word yet how—if at all—this new series will nod to the 1995 film version of The Baby-Sitters Club, which starred Rachael Leigh Cook, Schuyler Fisk, Larisa Oleynik, Bre Blair, Stacy Linn Ramsower, Zelda Harris, and Tricia Joe in the lead roles.

A scene from the 1995 movie version of The Baby-Sitters Club

©Columbia Pictures/Courtesy Everett Collection

While we don’t have a ton of details yet, here’s everything we know so far.

1. The release date. Netflix hasn’t announced the streaming date, but according to a press release the service has ordered 10 episodes.

2. The location. Just like the books, the show will take place in the fictional town of Stoneybrook, Connecticut.

3. The cast. The actors playing Kristy Thomas, Mary Anne Spier, Claudia Kishi, Stacey McGill, and Dawn Schafer have not been announced. However, we do know that Alicia Silverstone will play Elizabeth Thomas-Brewer, the mother of Kristy Thomas, and Royal Pains star Mark Feuerstein will play her love interest, Watson Brewer.

Dimitrios Kambouris/Getty Images for Glamour

Don’t Underestimate The Importance Of Lil Nas X

By Rob LeDonne

Starting with its familiar banjo strums, now-iconic opening lines, sudden drop into trap, and baritone proclamation that, yes, he got those horses in the back, “Old Town Road” has now been stuck in America’s head long enough to break records. Lil Nas X‘s genre-bending opus has been the No. 1 song in the country for 18 weeks in a row (a chart milestone), and is so successful an anthem that it’s even given featured artist Billy Ray Cyrus an explosion of 2019 relevance. (Not even Nostradamus himself could have predicted that.) Keep in mind that the song’s impressiveness as an earworm isn’t just chart-related: “Old Town Road,” built from a Nine Inch Nails instrumental sample, also notably toes the line between country and rap, two disparate genres that, despite some successful one-offs in the past, often go together like kale and Krispy Kreme.

As if that weren’t enough of an anomaly, the song’s charismatic mastermind was only 19 when he bought the beat, wrote the lyrics, and released the track to virality. He also fancies calling himself a Black cowboy and happens to be attracted to, well, other boys. Yes, in our game of music Mad Libs about a commercially explosive country-rap song that samples a rock track from a Black, gay teen cowboy, it’s the gay adjective that stands out. It’s perhaps the smash’s most important and lasting quality, both to me personally and on a broader spectrum.

Overnight, gay teens — and Black ones in particular — suddenly have a role model in Lil Nas X, who announced his truth to the world during Pride weekend (becoming the first-ever artist to come out while having a No. 1 song, no less). And aside from your usual trove of internet haters (hi, haters!), he’s been met with a breezy reaction by mainstream culture, almost as if he said that, say, he favored In-N-Out burgers over Shake Shack. The artist himself even joked about it in a recent tweet that elicited over a million favorites: “Wow man last year i was sleeping on my sisters floor, had no money, struggling to get plays on my music, suffering from daily headaches, now i’m gay.”

When I was a pre-teen during the heyday of early 2000s idols like Eminem, Britney Spears, and NSYNC, hearing about the success of a song like “Old Town Road” would have been simply unfathomable (and not only because of the success of Billy Ray). Back in 2000 — a strange time that mostly consisted of praying that someone wouldn’t pick up the phone while you were surfing dial-up AOL — paramount to my shock would have been the idea of Lil Nas X himself. He was still a year away from even being born, but had he debuted then, he would have been an outlier in regard to mainstream music and pop culture’s virtues at the time.

Growing up slowly realizing my own truth about being gay, I have little-to-no memories of gay music culture (if you’d even call it that). Despite whispers about the sexuality of Ricky Martin, one of the era’s biggest chart-toppers, he didn’t publicly come out until 2010. Sure, there was also Elton John, but he certainly didn’t represent youth culture. Lest we forget about t.A.T.u and their ahead-of-their-time lesbian heartbreak anthem “All the Things She Said,” but the Russian duo behind it never became stateside celebrities or teen idols. There was also something about Lance Bass, but he literally announced he was going into space before coming out of the closet.

On the flip side, the popular artists who were talking about homosexuality were the ones downright disparaging it. In 2000, Eminem dropped one of the biggest (and Grammy-winning) rap albums of the year, The Marshall Mathers LP; that project includes “Criminal,” a track as openly homophobic as anything he’s ever recorded. Meanwhile, rap culture in general was full of such an extreme vitriol toward gay people that even Mike Pence would have approved, were he not (presumably) afraid of hip hop. While it may seem like 2000-era Eminem — who has since regretted using homophobic language — and 2019-era Lil Nas X not only live on entirely different planets but also in different universes, Eminem once had the same commercially successful platform that Lil Nas X currently enjoys. But the dichotomy between the 46-year-old rapper and this rising record breaker shows just how far culture has come in the past two decades: The oppressed are rising up and the oppressors slowly fading into the background, kind of like a gay version of the movie 300. (But let’s face it: The movie itself was already plenty homoerotic.)

While it was his absolute right to keep his sexuality to himself, Lil Nas X is instead providing a beacon of light for otherwise closeted teens seeking larger acceptance. Obviously, our culture today is more visibly awash with LGBTQ+ artists and anthems than it was in 1999, but it’s both Lil Nas X’s immense success and the reaction to his coming out that provides a clue about just how much progress the music industry in particular has made. Questions do still abound: Will we ever see him top the charts again or is he simply a flash in the (cultural) pan? Will his success influence an entire generation to be their true selves? Also, how long will Billy Ray Cyrus’s renewed cultural moment last? Regardless of the answers, it’s all a case for optimism moving forward. Get those horses out from the back and party, Lil Nas X. I tip my Gucci cowboy hat to you.

Apparently Keanu Reeves Came Very Close To Appearing In Hobbs And Shaw

During the pre-release press blitz that lead to the release of Hobbs & Shaw, there was a persistent rumor that had to be debunked. That particular whisper was one that had stated for quite a while that director David Leitch had gotten his friend and colleague Keanu Reeves to sign onto the film in a mystery role.

Ultimately, that rumor was successfully debunked, as Reeves is nowhere to be seen in the film, just as folks were saying. However, new information has come to light from Leitch himself that it was a pretty slim margin that separated Keanu Reeves from partaking in this Fast & Furious spinoff. The director laid out the whole story in these terms:

Cameos in the movie industry have a bad reputation of just bringing people in for a quick laugh, or as a way to goose the ticket sales up to higher proportions. That can’t be said about Hobbs & Shaw, as this first in a prospective series of films chose its cameos to build a foundation for the potential future of the series.

With that, David Leitch recruited people he knew he could count on, such as his Deadpool 2 collaborator Ryan Reynolds. So of course, with all of the professional association Leitch has had with Keanu Reeves, it seems like a done deal that he would want to bring his John Wick collaborator in on Hobbs & Shaw.

Persistence was the name of the game too, as in his interview with The Hollywood Reporter, David Leitch elaborated that his hopes to bring Reeves on board extended into the later phases of the film’s production cycle:

If a cameo isn’t going to work, it has no business being shoe-horned into the film that it’s trying to be a part of. The fact that David Leitch knows this rule, in a world that loves to sometimes go overboard on celebrity cameos, is part of what makes his approach to filmmaking all the more exciting to watch whenever he’s at bat on a film like Hobbs & Shaw.

Plus, much like any good cameo, there’s room for Keanu Reeves to possibly poke his head in down the line, should this branch of the Fast & Furious universe take off the way it’s intended to. Not to mention, this could be part of the very reason The Director of Eteon wasn’t revealed at the end of Hobbs & Shaw. The rumors that Reeves was meant to play that role could have been half true, with the reveal being squashed after there was an agreement not to make it happen.

While it was said that he was never going to play the villain in Hobbs & Shaw, that could just be an extremely semantic way of saying, “Not this time, buddy.” It’s all speculation, and a lot of fun at that, but overall it’s better to bring Keanu Reeves into a project with a clear purpose, rather than to just to promise a sequel that may never happen.

‘Beloved’ Author and Nobel Laureate Toni Morrison Is Dead at 88

The Nobel Prize-winning novelist Toni Morrison died last night (August 5) at the age of 88, according to CNN. The cause of death has not been announced.

Morrison, the author of such acclaimed books as Beloved (for which she won both the Pulitzer Prize and the American Book Award in 1988), The Bluest Eye, Sula, and Song of Solomon, has been a celebrated force in American literature for decades, helping to document the black experience in the United States from her unique perspective.

In 1993, she became the first black woman to ever be awarded a Nobel Prize in Literature and, in 2012, then-President Barack Obama honored her with the Presidential Medal of Freedom. Describing her work ahead of her Nobel acceptance, the Swedish Academy, which bestows the prize, said it “gives life to an essential aspect of American reality.”

The author was born in 1931 in Lorain, Ohio, where she was raised and lived until she enrolled at Howard University in 1949. Morrison went on to earn a Master’s Degree from Cornell and became a professor before becoming a book editor at Random House, where she helped to elevate a number of black writers like Chinua Achebe and Angela Davis.

Toni Morrison with President Barack Obama before being awarded the Presidential Medal of Freedom in 2012.Andrew Harrer/Getty Images

She didn’t publish her first novel, The Bluest Eye, until the age of 39 in 1970. Oprah Winfrey selected both Song of Solomon and The Bluest Eye for her famous book club during her talk-show era, which helped bring Morrison’s work to a new generation of readers. Winfrey also co-produced a film adaptation of Beloved. “It’s impossible to actually imagine the American literary landscape without a Toni Morrison,” Winfrey said of Morrison in 2018. “She is our conscience, she is our seer, she is our truth-teller.”

In 2007, Glamour named Morrison one of its Women of the Year. In talking about her work, she said, “There were a lot of books by black writers that were very political and confrontational and all about guys. What about young black girls who had never been the center of anybody’s literary intention?”

“No one had written them yet,” she said, “so I wrote them.”

Morrison also wrote a number of children’s books and her last novel, God Help the Child, was published in 2015.

“We die. That may be the meaning of life. But we do language. That may be the measure of our lives,” Morrison said in her Nobel acceptance speech.

Le Mieux Skin Perfector Cleared My Clogged Pores

If you can spend hours scrolling through Dr. Pimple Popper or Tweezist videos, you’ll understand why watching gunk make a one-way exit out of clogged pores is so satisfying. I personally feel blessed to be living during an era where innovations abound that make it possible to re-create this experience at home. (It gives me a sense of immense power to be able to perform treatments I otherwise might only get at a spa.) If you feel the same way, there’s a device you need to know about in all its grossly satisfying glory.

That device is the skin spatula, which I was first introduced to during one of my first fancy facials. I vividly remember that instead of cleaning and extracting my skin the “normal” way—using fingers or extraction tools—the esthetician busted this device out. I walked away with the most glowing, lifted, clear skin of my life.

A skin spatula is essentially a device that uses ultrasonic vibrations to deep clean, exfoliate, and extract impurities from clogged pores, helping your topical products penetrate deeper in the process. A few years ago, I was sent a Le Mieux Skin Perfector to test, but forgot about it until recently—when I happened to be in need of a good extractions session. (Trophy Skin and now Dermaflash also make popular, similar versions.)

I have an oily T-zone, so I’m constantly trying to remove anything that could possibly be clogging my pores. The skin spatula puts the power of extracting in your hands. The strength of the ultrasonic waves gets rid of dead skin, but also help push everything out. You do, however, need to make sure your skin is prepped properly to avoid any unnecessary redness.

To start, remove your makeup or any skin care you might be wearing; you have to start with a clean base. The Le Mieux has three settings: low, high, and pulse. I typically keep mine on low. The major key here is to keep your face thoroughly wet. You can use water or your favorite serum; the objective is to make sure the spatula glides across your skin and doesn’t drag, which will cause irritation. (You may have to re-apply water a few times during the process.) Once you turn on the device and feel the vibrations, rotate the spatula so it’s facing downward (the side with the vibration settings should face away from you) and start to lightly press against the skin in upward motions. Le Mieux provides a helpful video to help you nail the technique—I’ve watched it several times.

During this process, water will start to aggresively flick off the spatula. It’s very gratifying, but not as gratifying as when you start using it for extractions. Beware: This next photo may gross you out.

Kirbie Johnson