Lifetime aired its highly-anticipated Christmas movie starring many of the One Tree Hill cast members last night, and let’s just say it didn’t disappoint. Aptly titled The Christmas Contract, the film centers on a woman, Jolie (Hilarie Burton), who asks her best friend’s brother, Jack (Robert Buckley), to pretend to be her boyfriend on a Christmas trip home to Louisiana so she can make her ex jealous. Jack agrees only after Jolie signs a contract saying she’ll build him a website to jumpstart his writing career. (Get it? They sign a Christmas contract!) What transpires is a kooky sequence of events that, well, reminded me of One Tree Hill.
Below, 26 thoughts I had about the movie that led me to this conclusion.
1. Literally Jolie (Hilarie Burton) and Peyton Sawyer are the same character. They’re both all doom, gloom, and great hair.
2. Jack (Robert Buckley) refers to himself in the third-person at one point, which is something Clay Evans would totally do.
3. Jolie is a website designer! Remember Peyton’s webcam obsession? Had she not gone into music, she would’ve 100 percent been a website designer.
4. I love that Naomi (Danneel Ackles) is a lawyer in this movie. It’s what Rachel Gatina deserves. (Naomi draws up the actual Christmas contract!)
5. Jolie skulking in her childhood home is very Peyton Sawyer.
6. Jolie is so going to fall for Jack the Writer. Why is Hilarie Burton always falling in love with moody white writers?
7. Lucas Scott and Jack should get together and write sad love stories.
8. Hot take, though: Robert Buckley was the cutest dude on One Tree Hill.
9. The ex-boyfriend Jolie is trying to piss off in this movie, Foster, reminds me of Dan Scott.
10. Jolie and Jack’s first bout of flirting is about the difference between crocodiles and alligators. Did Haley James Scott from OTH write this scene?
11. Rachel was the HBIC of One Tree Hill and also of this movie.
12. Foster’s new girlfriend Amy is, unsurprisingly, horrible. She reminds me of Brooke Davis’ estranged mother. Remember her?
13. Jack has near-perfect hair. Like Nathan Scott!
14. The twangy music in this movie reminds me of all those random singer-songwriters they had perform on OTH.
15.\ And the caked-on Southern accents? Very Tree Hill!
1\6. Tyler Hilton is playing himself in this movie. Better than the snake he played on One Tree Hill, Chris Keller.
17. “You guys have a lot of traditions” — Jack says cynically to Jolie’s family, like season one Nathan Scott would.
18. What is Tyler Hilton’s career in this movie?
19. Would people in this town even know who Tyler Hilton is?
20. Is this movie just…Tyler Hilton spon-con?
21. Because he just promoted his IRL album City on Fire. A classic Chris Keller move!
22. “Handsome’s overrated,” Jolie says to Jack, the most gorgeous man in One Tree Hill history.
23. Take a shot every time someone says a stereotypical Southern colloquialism like “darlin’.”
24. But why is Skills (Antwon Tanner) relegated to a supporting, barely-there role yet again?! (He’s Naomi’s husband and has, like, two lines.)
25. Oh yeah: Rachel and Skills are married in this movie!
26. And, spoiler alert: Clay Evans and Peyton Sawyer end up together. Somewhere, in some shed in North Carolina, Lucas Scott is shaking.
There you have it, folks. The Christmas Contract is essentially One Tree Hill in a giant snow globe, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.